Aug 12, 2022
I’m often told ‘I don’t know how you do what you do’. But here’s the thing, I don’t do it, I am it. That’s a bit difficult to understand isn’t it? I know. I will try to explain.
When I first started training, I believed there was a way to ‘do’ things that helped fix the problem for the client. How wrong I was. My Supervisor once said to me when I was training that I did my best work when I wasn’t trying to fix it. This was quite a revelation as that is what I had done all my life, try and fix things. This made me reflect that maybe I didn’t? Perhaps that wasn’t where my worth lies.
As therapists we never ‘do’ things for our clients. There will be enough people telling them what to ‘do’. We help our clients identify what they would like to do. It’s a choice. When we realise this, it can be quite liberating, we can chose how we respond and break some of the negative cycles we may have been in.
“Success as a therapist is not found in doing something for the client, but rather in being something for the client.” (Ili Rivera Walter)
I love the quote above from Ili Rivera Walter, I think it captures how we/I work as therapists. I will be the vessel, the mirror, the person that the client may need to act out their difficulties through. For example being angry, sad, confused, not knowing. It’s only by being able to do this in a safe environment, what I mean by that is an environment where we are not judged, it’s unconditional. It’s then that we can reflect and review our thoughts, feelings and actions. Your therapist is being what you need, to be able to hold up a mirror and question if there may be another way of being or thinking, they will help you find alternative strategies and perspectives so you can manage your difficulties in a more positive way.
What is the truth?
What’s right for me might not be right for you. My truths may not be your truth. My Mum was constantly telling me her opinion and then finishing with “and that’s the truth” actually, it wasn’t. It was her truth, I didn’t realise this until I reached my twenties. Some people caveat what they are saying with ‘the truth’ as a way of giving it gravitas. To give it credibility, a stamp of authority, a subliminal message that you can’t argue against it.
Think about when you have found yourself on the receiving end of ‘truth’ what were your thoughts? How did you respond? How did you feel about it? Did it make you feel powerless? Consider for a moment what your truths are and why? The other thing about truths is that they can change, you are allowed to change your truths we do this based on our experience. Have you ever changed your truths? Maybe you have through reading this? Let me know, I would love to hear about it.
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Disclaimer: This article has been designed for entertainment and informational purposes; it is not personalised medical advice. This guide may be a useful read to generate some ideas, however, please take advice from a medical professional.