May 9, 2023
Do you often find yourself trying too hard to get things right the first time? Do you put yourself down when things don’t go to plan straight away?
The world is not as it used to be, it’s changed so dramatically in the last two years, that can’t be right, is it only two? Things seem more difficult.
I seem to see more and more young people feeling the pressure to make lifelong decisions earlier and earlier in life. Why do they feel they have to make these decisions now? Why is there such a focus for young adults to feel they have to know their next step. What are you going to do with your life? What are you going to be? Who are you?
Our brains are not fully developed until we are 25 years old. What message is society sending to young people that implies they must know now?
All of this pressure amalgamates in a generation of young people trying too hard too soon to get things just right.
I don’t know about you, but as a child and young adult, I had no idea who I was. The most difficult decision I made was, do I become a new romantic or mod? (I went with mod in case you were wondering). In fact, at 55 years old I am only just getting there.
But it’s still not set in stone. I might manoeuvre some more, shed a few more skins, that’s the beauty of being an adult, you have choice. Is that part of the problem, we are giving children too much choice too early?
My friends laugh at me when I get annoyed with the young mum asking their toddler where they would like to sit in a cafe, “here darling, would you like to sit here? Or maybe over there by the window? Perhaps outside, would you prefer outside?”
For goodness sake! Just bloody sit down. They don’t need to be making those decisions, you are the adult, you decide where you are going to sit. Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter.
I wonder if that’s an early example of why young people are feeling overwhelmed and ruminate about getting every little decision right. Maybe they just don’t know, but the expectation is, whether real or imagined, that they musthave the answer. Working out what we need for our well-being is a skill that can grow and we can hone and develop.
But are there more reasons why people try too hard?
There is such a pressure on young people to get it right, they never consider they can make a decision and change it. Or heavens forbid, get it wrong. Our failures do not define us, nor do our successes. We focus too much on the reward, our successes, we don’t spend enough time enjoying, reviewing, challenging ourselves on the journey to the success or failure.
Is that why we are never satisfied? The latest deal, the newest phone, the latest bike race, 10K, the new fad diet and so it goes on. Some of us are constantly chasing that dopamine hit, it can be addictive. But then what?
Here’s a thought, why not enjoy and celebrate the journey not the outcome?
How present are you with your family, friends, work colleagues, whilst you are focussing on the reward? Could the journey to your success or failure have been more enjoyable, more inclusive, a shared experience? Sometimes, we are so focussed on the outcome that we are absent while we get there. However, we may sometimes justify this, ‘it was worth it for the outcome’. Was it? Was it really? For who; you or those around you?
I once remember a client telling me that their drive and commitment to their work forcing them to be absent during their family growing up, would be worth it when they retire and had created a luxury lifestyle and could take their kids on amazing holidays. Unfortunately, when they retired, their kids didn’t want to go on holiday with them as they didn’t have a close enough relationship with them.
“The journey is the reward” (Steve Jobs), or in other words, it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.
I guess what I am saying is, let’s work on who we are and not what we want, because the latter is not lasting or fulfilling long term. Let us accept our decisions right or wrong and review them and allow ourselves to change them if they are not working for us. We will learn more as we persevere. Trust me, I think success will come from this change in mindset. Right?
If you feel like you are struggling with trying too hard to get things right, Head Agenda are here to support you. See our services for more advice and support on how and what we can do to help you. Alternatively, if you are not sure what help you need, please contact our team.
Disclaimer: This article has been designed for entertainment and informational purposes; it is not personalised medical advice. This guide may be a useful read to generate some ideas, however, please take advice from a medical professional.
Head Agenda has been brilliant for me whilst going through a turbulent time in my life. Mark has been amazing. Calm, kind, professional, a complete expert who helps you work through anything whilst providing you with a range of tools you can use. He increases your self awareness and does it with such a positive reassuring presence that lets you feel relaxed and confident to talk to him. Can't recommend Mark and Head Agenda highly enough.
I went to Head Agenda to try to tackle my severe anxiety. My therapist Jonathan was really helpful and kind and I now feel more equipped to manage my mental health. The space is calming and welcoming. I would recommend Head Agenda to anyone who is suffering and who needs professional support.
Interesting, insightful and has been no end of help for my self improvement. Can't thank these lot enough. I feel much more confident and optimistic going forward and it’s down to Mark and the Head Agenda team.
Highly recommended! One of the best investments of my life. A very friendly, kind and professional team. The atmosphere of the place is also great: very calm and relaxing. I went to try CBT and after a few sessions, it worked! I am happier and know myself much better now. I will always be grateful! Thank you, Mandy.
I can't begin to describe how incredible Darren has been in helping me with my mental health. He enabled me to respect and love myself for the first time in a very long time. I have come a long way since starting my sessions and I will be forever grateful to Darren for facilitating my process of healing. I highly recommend Darren and Head Agenda!
I've just finished my last session with my therapist - Debbie, and I can't thank her enough for helping me through a difficult time in my life and seeing the light. I was very apprehensive at first, I've never had counselling before and I was in denial about my problem. But speaking to Debbie is one of the best things I've done, she is friendly, caring and it felt natural talking to her, and she gave me the tools I need to help get better. Very easy booking through Head Agenda, would highly recommend.
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About 4 months ago I decided to try therapy and was recommended Head Agenda by my girlfriend. After getting in contact with them I was assigned to Darren and over that period of time I found him very helpful, I would definitely recommend him and say it was a really positive experience
Counselling will start this week but my initial contact with Head Agenda has been great. Lovely friendly reply to my initial email enquiry, followed by a phone call from Amanda who was very easy to talk and was very reassuring and helpful with all my questions and concerns.
I was lucky enough to be helped by Mark. I can't find any fault with him. He made me feel comfortable from the get-go. Professional but personable, paid more attention to what I was saying than I did! He seems very intelligent but not at all condescending. If you have any issues you would like to talk through, I would recommend Mark 100%.
Such a fantastic place. Super friendly and understanding team. Got an appointment really quickly. Such a calm and relaxing space. Thank you!
Have had wonderful, sensitive support from Debra, who has helped me learn to take time to sit with my own grief rather than be present 100% of time for others. She made the sessions relaxed, and I will be getting in touch if there are more bumps in my road further down the line. Thank you.
First ever experience with counselling for myself, and it has helped my tenfold. Would recommend to anyone.
I am glad I went to Head Agenda, great staff and Mark was really helpful and friendly. If you are unsure about going to see anyone then maybe just book an appointment and discuss it with them. Even if you think you are mentally strong there is always room for improvement. I feel like Mark has helped me find the right path to go forward in my life. I would recommend this company :)
Debra was very kind and understanding, she gave considerate and constructive advice, we cannot thank her enough for all that she did to help!
I just wanted to say a huge thank you to Debbie who I had many sessions with earlier this year. At first I was very hesitant but was by far was the best decision I have made and I am now in a place I could have only dreamt to be in a year ago. I could not recommend Debbie highly enough and genuinely want to thank her from the bottom of my heart.
I've been seeing Mandy for a year now and she has transformed my life. I can't thank her enough. Having seen numerous therapists over the years I've never found anyone so effective. Mandy has a wealth of knowledge and I've found her very easy to open up to. Cannot recommend highly enough.
My experience with Head Agenda has been liberating for me! I would recommend anyone that’s thinking of getting help to look no further.
After years of been in and out of therapy I was sceptical about trying it again, I went in expecting to be disappointed. I couldn't have been more wrong.
The knowledge, empathy and approach Mandy took to with me was something i'd never experienced before. I actually feel excited to start a new chapter of my life and I wouldn't be in this position if it wasn't for Head Agenda.
I found Head Agenda through another website which recommended therapists. I have used Head Agenda for roughly 6 months and it has been a transformative experience. My therapist was professional, kind, understanding and helpful with making changes and seeing things in a new way. I can't recommend the experience enough.
Debra has been absolutely wonderful in helping me understand my mental health. She’s made me feel so calm and relaxed in sessions. Couldn’t recommend her enough!
Great service, really easy to find a therapist to match your needs - spoke to Amanda who was super friendly and made the whole process really painless - thank you!
Just wanted to say a huge thank you to Debbie here at Head Agenda! She has been absolutely amazing in getting me through what felt like a million and one problems when I first went in. I truly came to think of her as a friend and felt her genuine care and want to help me. I always came away from every session feeling lighter and much more positive and she's always been so friendly, sensitive and incredibly relatable. She has guided me through an extremely difficult time in my life and got me through and out of that dark tunnel.
The rooms were always comfortable and inviting and always made me feel at ease to talk
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Can't rate Head Agenda, or my therapist, highly enough. I had my first appointment within two weeks of enquiring and began CAT therapy with Jonathan. His kind, caring and friendly approach instantly helped me to feel relaxed, leading to several breakthroughs during our sessions. My therapy with Jonathan has been genuinely life changing; this is by far the best money I've ever spent. I now feel calmer and more content, and have the tools needed to enjoy better mental health.
If you're ready to put in the work, I'd definitely recommend Head Agenda.
I've been seeing June for a while now. I have tried a number of therapies and therapists over the years, but have never really felt heard or understood. I am able to be my authentic self with June, without any fear of judgement or embarrassment. She has an amazing way of challenging my thoughts, in a gentle way, but enough so to allow me to start to reconsider my own thoughts and feelings. She has already had a big impact on my life, and I cannot recommend her highly enough!
The office is lovely and calming, the other staff are always helpful and polite.
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I couldn't recommend Juliet enough. She is a warm, kind and caring therapist who pulled me through a challenging, dark time. I am forever thankful for all her support, wealth of experience and tools she provided. Thank you Juliet x
I came to see Mandy in autumn 2019 for some CBT to deal with my anxiety which at times spiralled out of control for weeks/months at a time. Mandy was great, in the end doing a combination of both therapy and CBT to explore where the anxiety had come from, as well as how to put it back in its box. She was great at challenging me, which is just what I needed. An immediate affect was feeling significantly less nervous about flying. I now find myself in week 5 of the UK COVID lockdown, a time that is causing anxiety for so many people, and able to cope. Yes, I have felt anxious (who hasn’t!!), but it has been for a maximum of an hour or two, and not endless. I can highly recommend Head Agenda. Thank you.
This was my first experience with counselling. I was always reluctant to seek help for whatever reason. With recent health issues I felt that it was the 'icing on the cake' and I needed help. Then I met the wonderful Debbie at Head Agenda. She has guided me more than I ever thought possible. She has helped me see what's truly important and helped me breakdown understand what once felt like big mess in my head! She has taught me so much and I can finally say, today, that I am ready to use her kind words and advice and see how I get on alone. I know she is always there though if I need her one day. I now feel I am strong enough, all thanks to Debbie.
Thank you so much, Deb! You've been an angel x
Liz was great, can't recommend Head Agenda enough! I went for 12 weeks in total and I feel like it has really got me back on track from the place that I was. Thank you!
Covers by Tom
Daniel was kind and helpful to my family member . Gave strategies to help with stress and anxiety that can use . Liked the practical exercises and has kept the list he made at his final sessions to remind him of all the positive things they talked about
Head Agenda were great, and really helped me with my issues. The space was great quiet and private it did not feel intimidating. My therapist Jonathan, took the time to understand my problems and was really helpful and easy to approach. Would recommend.
I honestly can't recommend Head Agenda enough. When I first enquired by email the response was prompt, professional and clear. I was very quickly assigned to Jane Hickson, who agreed to work with me flexibly around my work schedule. Although I didn't have many sessions, i can honestly say that attending counselling with Jane has changed my life considerably. She really helped me work things out. She was professional, yet kind the whole time. Also, the rooms and surroundings are very comfortable and calming.
Fantastic service and help through some tough times. Natalie has been wonderful over these last few months.
Jonathan at Head Agenda was absolutely fantastic. I felt very comfortable throughout. Really positive experience.
I have had a few sessions with Debra. When I arrived for my first session she made me feel very comfortable and the session just flew by. Debbie really took the time to understand what I was saying and made me feel like she really wanted to help me through my problems. She has gone over and above expectations, supporting me through a very big decision. The rooms are very relaxing and comfortable and there is barely any noise from outside. I would fully recommend having sessions with Debra. She has really opened up my eyes to the reasons of why I feel the way I do and ways to try and reduce those feelings.
I could not recommend Caroline at Head Agenda enough. I was very hesitant when it came to therapy but Caroline had provided me with the confidence to speak about my issues, no matter how big or small. She has constantly treated me with grace and respect, I am very grateful for her.