Male Therapist

The Social Stigma Behind Being a Male Therapist

Date

May 18, 2023

“When I found out…I said to my husband – ‘oooh, I’ve been assigned a man’!”

“Oh!” He replied. “How do you feel about that then?”

Fortunately for me, that particular client didn’t mind, and we went on to have a positive and fruitful therapeutic alliance. However, some seem to struggle with the idea of speaking to a man about their troubles. And being one (a man, that is) I wondered why. Why are people reluctant to talk to me?

I mean I am fully qualified and increasingly more and more experienced. Do I have an extra head or something? Or is it my fashion sense? (Always a possibility…)

What are social stigma and gender stereotypes?

Social stigma is the act of disapproving or discriminating against someone, or a group of people, based on features such as culture, gender, race and more.

Being a male therapist can be an interesting source of some cognitive dissonance. After all, gender stereotypes suggest that we men are supposed to be the strong and silent types. We hide our feelings. We don’t cry. It is often regarded as a weakness for men to do so. Given that description, it’s easy to see how some may believe that a man would not have the necessary empathic powers, that ability to understand and even feel the emotions of another in distress.

Reasons why people don’t choose a male therapist 

What would a white male like me know about dealing with the effects of prejudice or serious sexual assaults, if it comes to that?

I think a lot of people would think it’s understandable for a client seeking help after rape, for example, to want to see a female therapist. Seeing a male therapist might be too triggering for them.

Could they be a form of healing?

But just imagine what a fully compassionate male therapist, who models a different kind of man for that client, can do to help them heal. The message that not all men are like that can have a massive cathartic effect for the survivor.

Time for a change

Change is upon us. I’ve noticed more recently that attitudes are changing that reduce the stigma associated with male therapists and men’s mental health in general.

Influential figures are open about mental health

 You may have seen the Prince of Wales talking to well-known male football personalities on the television whilst they all agree that “it’s good to talk” (for members of both biological sexes and all genders).

Less well known, but just as significant from this point of view, is the work of British psychologist Paul Gilbert, who has researched and written at length about the healing power of compassion and developed his own therapeutic methodology, Compassion Focused Therapy. You may even have seen his bestseller, “The Compassionate Mind”, in your local bookshop.

So, is there a new type of man out there?

No. I don’t think so - I think he’s always been there.

Compassion comes from life experience. From enduring distress of your own and having the desire to help another person in distress.

But not only that, for men it comes from having the wisdom, intelligence, or just sheer determination, to break through whatever blocks we may have on displaying and giving freely our compassion and understanding - being that they are the typical macho stereotypes or those who see compassion as a weakness.

Change of perspective - compassion is strength

Here’s the good news though: compassion isn’t a weakness. Kindness is a strength.

When the Cure sang “Boys Don’t Cry” back in 1979, they were being tongue in cheek! We do cry, and in my experience, there really is no better feeling than when that compassionate link between the two of us sparks the magic of healing. It’s something that neither of us will forget. Furthermore, I know that we men are finding our compassionate voices, rediscovering our compassionate instincts.

Considering a male therapist?

If you find yourself seeking help and you are considering a male therapist…why not give it a go? We don’t bite…promise!

Disclaimer: This article has been designed for entertainment and informational purposes; it is not personalised medical advice. This guide may be a useful read to generate some ideas, however, please take advice from a medical professional.

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Joe Craig

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Counselling will start this week but my initial contact with Head Agenda has been great. Lovely friendly reply to my initial email enquiry, followed by a phone call from Amanda who was very easy to talk and was very reassuring and helpful with all my questions and concerns.

Pen C.

Can't rate Head Agenda, or my therapist, highly enough. I had my first appointment within two weeks of enquiring and began CAT therapy with Jonathan. His kind, caring and friendly approach instantly helped me to feel relaxed, leading to several breakthroughs during our sessions. My therapy with Jonathan has been genuinely life changing; this is by far the best money I've ever spent. I now feel calmer and more content, and have the tools needed to enjoy better mental health.
If you're ready to put in the work, I'd definitely recommend Head Agenda.

Alannah Graham

I've just finished my last session with my therapist - Debbie, and I can't thank her enough for helping me through a difficult time in my life and seeing the light. I was very apprehensive at first, I've never had counselling before and I was in denial about my problem. But speaking to Debbie is one of the best things I've done, she is friendly, caring and it felt natural talking to her, and she gave me the tools I need to help get better. Very easy booking through Head Agenda, would highly recommend.

Cat I

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Michael Greenwood

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Bradley Hood

I couldn't recommend Juliet enough. She is a warm, kind and caring therapist who pulled me through a challenging, dark time. I am forever thankful for all her support, wealth of experience and tools she provided. Thank you Juliet x

Holly Dixon

This was my first experience with counselling. I was always reluctant to seek help for whatever reason. With recent health issues I felt that it was the 'icing on the cake' and I needed help. Then I met the wonderful Debbie at Head Agenda. She has guided me more than I ever thought possible. She has helped me see what's truly important and helped me breakdown understand what once felt like big mess in my head! She has taught me so much and I can finally say, today, that I am ready to use her kind words and advice and see how I get on alone. I know she is always there though if I need her one day. I now feel I am strong enough, all thanks to Debbie.

Thank you so much, Deb! You've been an angel x

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After years of been in and out of therapy I was sceptical about trying it again, I went in expecting to be disappointed. I couldn't have been more wrong.

The knowledge, empathy and approach Mandy took to with me was something i'd never experienced before. I actually feel excited to start a new chapter of my life and I wouldn't be in this position if it wasn't for Head Agenda.

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Megan Barrett

I went to Head Agenda to try to tackle my severe anxiety. My therapist Jonathan was really helpful and kind and I now feel more equipped to manage my mental health. The space is calming and welcoming. I would recommend Head Agenda to anyone who is suffering and who needs professional support.

Lauren Piper

About 4 months ago I decided to try therapy and was recommended Head Agenda by my girlfriend. After getting in contact with them I was assigned to Darren and over that period of time I found him very helpful, I would definitely recommend him and say it was a really positive experience

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I came to see Mandy in autumn 2019 for some CBT to deal with my anxiety which at times spiralled out of control for weeks/months at a time. Mandy was great, in the end doing a combination of both therapy and CBT to explore where the anxiety had come from, as well as how to put it back in its box. She was great at challenging me, which is just what I needed. An immediate affect was feeling significantly less nervous about flying. I now find myself in week 5 of the UK COVID lockdown, a time that is causing anxiety for so many people, and able to cope. Yes, I have felt anxious (who hasn’t!!), but it has been for a maximum of an hour or two, and not endless. I can highly recommend Head Agenda. Thank you.

Natasha Barlow

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Liam Back

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Anne-Louise Wells

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Megan Barnes

Have had wonderful, sensitive support from Debra, who has helped me learn to take time to sit with my own grief rather than be present 100% of time for others. She made the sessions relaxed, and I will be getting in touch if there are more bumps in my road further down the line. Thank you.

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