A simple guide to managing your anger

Date

Sep 30, 2022

No matter how many books or blogs might say otherwise, controlling your anger is not an easy thing. “Just don’t be angry” is a ruse. And there’s no easy or quick fix. Anger is primal, and it has stuck with us through the course of humanity, initially as a survival tool.

It can feel binary, like a switch, on or off, hot or cold, fury or calm. Once that button is pushed, it cannot be turned off right away. Rage.

We forget ourselves, and capacity for empathy is non-existent. The only thing that matters in that moment is the thing we’re angry about. Hurt, blame, anguish.

Working with anger is a journey, not a destination.

Here are 5 tips we recommend to help with your journey:

1. Practice Empathy Everyday

Anger is best friends with misunderstanding. Perception is everything. And understanding other people is key to a proportional response. What are you angry about? What did they actually do? Are their actions justified? Put yourself in their shoes. Can you see why they might feel this way? These are some of the important questions to try and ask yourself in the moment.

2. Recognise When You Take Things Personally

Learning to let things wash over you is important. It’s best to just accept that most things aren’t personal. Someone push in front in a queue? They probably didn’t mean to. Ran out of your favourite sandwich at the shop? It’s not the clerk’s fault. Someone cut you off in traffic? It’s not a personal attack.

3. Clearly Express How You Feel and What You Want

So much anger is built up frustration about how you feel. Learning to communicate how you feel calmly and respectfully is absolutely essential if you want to manage your anger. Be honest and say what is on your mind. Good communication is the foundation of good relationships.

4. Learn to Appreciate Difference

Difference makes us stronger. We are humans with different ideas, ideals and tendencies. Learn to appreciate what can seem like an annoying habit or an inconvenience for you. See the positive. Make a joke. And move on.

5. Confront Your Inner Critic

Conquering the internal voice that criticises us can be key to changing our anger. Question it. Separate it from how things actually are. It is not speaking the truth, and if left unquestioned it infects every aspect of our lives, and gets in the way of healthy relationships.

Of course, successful anger management often needs input from a trained professional. Here at Head Agenda, we have behavioural management specialists that can help you on your journey to control your anger. Make an enquiry today to find out more.

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I was lucky enough to be helped by Mark. I can't find any fault with him. He made me feel comfortable from the get-go. Professional but personable, paid more attention to what I was saying than I did! He seems very intelligent but not at all condescending. If you have any issues you would like to talk through, I would recommend Mark 100%.

Joe Craig

I've just finished my last session with my therapist - Debbie, and I can't thank her enough for helping me through a difficult time in my life and seeing the light. I was very apprehensive at first, I've never had counselling before and I was in denial about my problem. But speaking to Debbie is one of the best things I've done, she is friendly, caring and it felt natural talking to her, and she gave me the tools I need to help get better. Very easy booking through Head Agenda, would highly recommend.

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Liam Back

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Siobhan Thew

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Miguel Garrido-Letelier

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Kate Riley

I came to see Mandy in autumn 2019 for some CBT to deal with my anxiety which at times spiralled out of control for weeks/months at a time. Mandy was great, in the end doing a combination of both therapy and CBT to explore where the anxiety had come from, as well as how to put it back in its box. She was great at challenging me, which is just what I needed. An immediate affect was feeling significantly less nervous about flying. I now find myself in week 5 of the UK COVID lockdown, a time that is causing anxiety for so many people, and able to cope. Yes, I have felt anxious (who hasn’t!!), but it has been for a maximum of an hour or two, and not endless. I can highly recommend Head Agenda. Thank you.

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Robert Rowe

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Covers by Tom

I am glad I went to Head Agenda, great staff and Mark was really helpful and friendly. If you are unsure about going to see anyone then maybe just book an appointment and discuss it with them. Even if you think you are mentally strong there is always room for improvement. I feel like Mark has helped me find the right path to go forward in my life. I would recommend this company :)

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Rob Griffiths

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Holly Dixon

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Head Agenda has been brilliant for me whilst going through a turbulent time in my life. Mark has been amazing. Calm, kind, professional, a complete expert who helps you work through anything whilst providing you with a range of tools you can use. He increases your self awareness and does it with such a positive reassuring presence that lets you feel relaxed and confident to talk to him. Can't recommend Mark and Head Agenda highly enough.

Simon P.

Can't rate Head Agenda, or my therapist, highly enough. I had my first appointment within two weeks of enquiring and began CAT therapy with Jonathan. His kind, caring and friendly approach instantly helped me to feel relaxed, leading to several breakthroughs during our sessions. My therapy with Jonathan has been genuinely life changing; this is by far the best money I've ever spent. I now feel calmer and more content, and have the tools needed to enjoy better mental health.
If you're ready to put in the work, I'd definitely recommend Head Agenda.

Alannah Graham

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Bradley Hood

This was my first experience with counselling. I was always reluctant to seek help for whatever reason. With recent health issues I felt that it was the 'icing on the cake' and I needed help. Then I met the wonderful Debbie at Head Agenda. She has guided me more than I ever thought possible. She has helped me see what's truly important and helped me breakdown understand what once felt like big mess in my head! She has taught me so much and I can finally say, today, that I am ready to use her kind words and advice and see how I get on alone. I know she is always there though if I need her one day. I now feel I am strong enough, all thanks to Debbie.

Thank you so much, Deb! You've been an angel x

Jo-Dee Brice

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Anne-Louise Wells

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Himani Jayasinghe

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Michael Greenwood

After years of been in and out of therapy I was sceptical about trying it again, I went in expecting to be disappointed. I couldn't have been more wrong.

The knowledge, empathy and approach Mandy took to with me was something i'd never experienced before. I actually feel excited to start a new chapter of my life and I wouldn't be in this position if it wasn't for Head Agenda.

10000% recommend!

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The office is lovely and calming, the other staff are always helpful and polite.
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Charlotte Steele

Debra has been absolutely wonderful in helping me understand my mental health. She’s made me feel so calm and relaxed in sessions. Couldn’t recommend her enough!

Grace Maddox

I could not recommend Caroline at Head Agenda enough. I was very hesitant when it came to therapy but Caroline had provided me with the confidence to speak about my issues, no matter how big or small. She has constantly treated me with grace and respect, I am very grateful for her.

Emily X

Just wanted to say a huge thank you to Debbie here at Head Agenda! She has been absolutely amazing in getting me through what felt like a million and one problems when I first went in. I truly came to think of her as a friend and felt her genuine care and want to help me. I always came away from every session feeling lighter and much more positive and she's always been so friendly, sensitive and incredibly relatable. She has guided me through an extremely difficult time in my life and got me through and out of that dark tunnel.

The rooms were always comfortable and inviting and always made me feel at ease to talk

Thank you so much again, Debbie you're an absolute star!

Becky Gill

I have had a few sessions with Debra. When I arrived for my first session she made me feel very comfortable and the session just flew by. Debbie really took the time to understand what I was saying and made me feel like she really wanted to help me through my problems. She has gone over and above expectations, supporting me through a very big decision. The rooms are very relaxing and comfortable and there is barely any noise from outside. I would fully recommend having sessions with Debra. She has really opened up my eyes to the reasons of why I feel the way I do and ways to try and reduce those feelings.

Anna Curry

I went to Head Agenda to try to tackle my severe anxiety. My therapist Jonathan was really helpful and kind and I now feel more equipped to manage my mental health. The space is calming and welcoming. I would recommend Head Agenda to anyone who is suffering and who needs professional support.

Lauren Piper